March of the Hair

Hair (as he marches out to umpire):
Dithering, rolling here I come
Beware thee cheating, tampering scum
To all things human I am numb
Rumpa pum pum Rumpa pum pum.

Chorus of Hairassers (in the audience):
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!

Hair:
If I so decide
Or perchance not so
You must abide
For it is my whim.

Chorus of Hairassers:
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!

Hair:
No Hawk's Eye
Nor twenty-six untiring optical seers
Can catch the lie
That I can fathom, I can show.

Chorus of Hairassers:
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!

Hair:
Now I take my place of judgment
Ultimate arbiter of the law
Come penitent come low
'Ere my ire you draw.

Notes:
Hairasser: A rabid supporter of Hair.