Previewing the First Match

The first match of the World Cup between Pakistan and West Indies is significant for many reasons other than being the opening match. Along with England these two form the triumvirate of the weak. If one of these can beat the other two and then record a win here and there, a no result due to rain, they might sneak through to the semifinals. The team that will lose this opening encounter may find very few other openings. Of course this all assumes that they will both make it out of their group.
England if it loses to NZ will still have some chances and if it wins it will enhance them. But the winner and loser of the West Indies-Pakistan tie have a lot to gain and lose.
The nature of the wicket (as long as it stays true for the duration) will not be a factor. Fast or slow, bouncy or low, help or hinder both teams similarly by the nature of their constituents.
The WI will be at home which could be a good thing or a bad thing. How they respond will be a window into the rest of their campaign.
For Pakistan there will be no such window because of their unpredictability. The cornered tigers thing is getting a bit old though. This team is very different in its mood and character than the one for which that label was created. They like to play from a position of strength and once they fall behind the heart is lacking.
Who will win? Too close to call. That does not necessarily mean that the scoreline will be close just that their unpridictability is.

Appropriate Punishments For Symmonds, Hayden and Speed

After their uncalled for breaches of conduct in commenting on the doping case the following punishments will be carried out.
1. Symonds has been ordered to shave his dreadlocks and give them to Shoaib so he can use them while partying in the Caribbean.
2. Hayden will have to spend the duration of the world cup giving batting lessons to Asif after which it is hoped he will be good enough to open.
3. Punishment for Speed will be a public whipping administered by Hair.

Things to do at the World Cup When You are Out of it

Now that Shoaib is not playing in the world cup because of ... injuries here are some things he can spend time on.

5. Join Hair in the commentary box.
4. Bring the party scene at every world cup venue to the viewers via a TV show called, "What I Did During the World Cup".
3. Go scuba diving.
2. Hire a writer to ghost write his autobiography.
1. Sing "Don't Worry be Happy" while doing drugs of another variety.

Darrell Hair's Autobiography

Here are the top ten titles that Hair is considering for his autobiography

10. A Bad Hair Decade
9. Hair Case From Hell: Or How I Destroyed the Staircase to Heaven
8. Botched Hair Job
7. Hairball
6. My Way: Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow
5. Fair-Haired Boy of the ICC
4. Hair Play: More Important than Fair Play
3. Hair to Fore: Cricket Takes a Backseat
2. Haira Phairi
1. Hair the Horrible

10 Things for Hair to do

Now that he does not seem interested in having a first class umpiring career with the ECB Hair will write a book and to promote it and himself here is a list of things.
10. File case against the ICC for racial discrimination.
9. Go on Strictly Come Dancing.
8. Go on Big Brother with all the international players retiring after the world cup.
7. With his sharp eye should be a cinch for a tennis ref. He gets in a fight with Roger at the next Australian Open final which he will chair. He then tells Federer that he has lost by forfeit. Wait that's for the next book.
6. Anything but go back to his old job where according to him he made twice the money.
5. Take over the Trim Spa spokesperson spot opened up due to Anna Nicole Smith's untimely demise.
4. Become the first "umpire expert" in the commentary box. Commenting on the umpiring decisions as an "expert".
3. Take Doctrove down with him.
2. Play Dick Cheney in an upcoming Oliver Stone movie.
1. Become the next crocodile hunter.