After their uncalled for breaches of conduct in commenting on the doping case the following punishments will be carried out.
1. Symonds has been ordered to shave his dreadlocks and give them to Shoaib so he can use them while partying in the Caribbean.
2. Hayden will have to spend the duration of the world cup giving batting lessons to Asif after which it is hoped he will be good enough to open.
3. Punishment for Speed will be a public whipping administered by Hair.
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