Responding to Throwing

ICC has responded to the issue of throwing by getting bio-mechanical experts involved in defining and measuring throwing. Lab-testing and other tests not performed under match conditions have culminated in a call for on-field testing. The Murali haters have especially latched on to it and made the cause their own. The experts have suggested some changes to how throwing should be defined. Both would probably be loath to recommend that the simpler thing might be to give up on it all and let the bowlers bowl as they might. It might be time to explore this option and its consequences. What are the immediate consequences? The bowlers may straighten somewhat more leading to some of the advantage that has long been wrested from them to again go their way. But for most established bowlers there will not be major changes. Those on the periphery will try to experiment more in a bid to improve to the next level. Over the years there will be a lot of experimentation. It will probably take a generation of bowlers who begin bowling with the new rules to fully come to terms with how differently they can bowl from their predecessors. The Australians will probably go out and hire a pitching coach from the U.S. and some of the others will follow. It is unlikely that a lot of major baseball pitchers will make it to cricket greens considering that baseball pays a lot better. It is worth giving it a try at some league level to see what the consequences might be more clearly.

Repeat the Follies

Ethiopia is replaying the US folly, in Iraq, of misguided policy in the Somalian theatre. Because of the low key nature of the conflict, compared to Iraq, and parties involved probably more atrocities have been committed.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/africa/11/08/somalia.fighting/index.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2007_timeline_of_the_War_in_Somalia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_in_Somalia_(2006%E2%80%93present)

Turkey is at the moment contemplating an incursion into the Kurdish part of Iraq. It should analyse in some depth the consequences and what it really wants to achieve. The US pressure on it not to invade may be a blessing in disguise. If it does decide to invade it must only look at a quick strike and return. Better yet would be to learn from Putin's experience in Chechnya. Finally there is relative peace in Chechnya and for Putin because he was able to find an ally among the rebels. Pakistan too should take note of this in dealing with the tribal areas. They have to find allies within this area who will help them against Al Qaida rather than waging a war against the whole area.In the very long term urbanization must be introduced but in the time frame that the solutions are being sought that will not happen.

Racism and Other Animals

Two siblings can have offspring that within three or four generations can be as different as black and white. That makes it hard to understand what is meant by race. Many visibly distinguishing genetic features exist but color seems marked for discrimination. Those who indulge in this discrimination, with apology to those who work in the salon and comic books industries, should be labeled colorists.
Were the spectators who performed monkey gestures and noises at Symonds being racist? Some tried to explain that being compared to a monkey has a different connotation in Indian culture going as far as to mention that Hanuman is revered. Would that mean that calling Hair a fat cow would be indicative of his holiness? Certainly Bush has been called a monkey many times (http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blbushmonkey.htm) which makes one wonder why his clone Ponting has not been called one yet? If you are in any doubt about Ponting being a Bush clone please see (http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/ci/content/image/217618.html), and if you have questions about whether he can be compared to a monkey please see (http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/ci/content/image/315705.html). Why are we so averse to being described as our closest kin when we would proudly accept being called tigers, cheetahs, and panthers? Does it hit too close to home reminding us of our frailties and inanities? Is it self hate? Why not embrace it? After all monkeys are also intelligent, mischievous, playful and sometimes vengeful creatures. Even though I am opposed to mascots in cricket, if we are to go that way let me suggest, "The Pakistani Monkeys".
Then there were those who suggested that Symonds was actually a shade lighter than many Indians so it could not have been racism. This was also a strange argument. It is not uncommon in the subcontinent among many people that they do prefer a lighter skin than their own. There is a color complex. If you don't believe me just browse the papers to see how many ads appear proclaiming this cream or that will make one so fair that within hours of using it the user will have suitors lined up.
And then we saw the other side of the monkey business. Those who had lined up to take their shots at Malik for his innocent comment thanking muslims the world over (for somehow in their twisted minds it was an offense to Indians) now wrote dissertations on how the Symonds incident was taunting and not a case of racism and that things were being taken out of context by those who did not understand cultural differences. All these diminish the real problems.
When cases like Hair appear in front of tribunals they make light of a very serious problem.

Try This At Home

The spin strategy has not in general worked out for Pakistan. Not only have they lost matches on placid wickets at home they have managed to keep their fast bowlers on the injured list continuously. People who argue that Pakistan should play on fast wickets because fast bowling is where their strength lies have a small point. The spin-convinced counter by pointing to Pakistan's weak batsmen. The real reason why Pakistan should try fast wickets is precisely because of the nature of the batting weakness. For most Pakistani batsmen the wicket is not the issue. Whether the wicket is placid or not they just do not possess the ability to occupy the crease for long periods of time. The best strategy is to play on very fast pitches, with uneven bounce, where the average scores are 250 or less in any case. Pakistan's series in South Africa should go some way in convincing the doubters.

The Horror Movie Ending

Horror movies usually irritate me. The Hair affair has all the ingredients of one: Plenty of blood and gore on display without actually meaning anything and the nagging ending. The evil has been defeated or so everyone seems to think but the final shot let's the audience know how it's coming back, in a sequel if the movie does well enough. Now we find out that Hair will actually be around until 2009 and there is purported rehabilitation in process. PCB needs to be vigilant. One thing that was attacked was previous documentation of offenses. Everything needs to be done in the open and PCB should insist on it. An investigation of Fletcher, Proctor, Hair nexus needs to be completed and whatever the results be well documented. Also an investigation into Hair's allegation of Koertzen needs to be carried out. The roles of support that Speed has played for Hair need to be looked at. The board would be well advised to get rid of the current executive. Pressure needs to be maintained but I do believe, sadly, that the PCB will drop the ball. Already they believe that they have defeated and killed the alien not knowing what the audience knows: Within the carcass of this tribunal case the alien has germinated and just pushed its ugly head out again.

Hair's Conciliation

I say appealing and you say appalling
I say appalling and you say appealing
Appealing, appalling, appalling, appealing
Let’s call the whole thing off

I say Hair and you say hairy
I say bear it and you say bury him
Hair, hairy, bear, bury
Let’s call the whole thing off

But oh, if we call the whole thing off then we must part
And oh, if we ever part then that might break my heart

When you are appealing I think it’s appalling
I’ll be appalling unless you give up appealing
For I know we need each other so we
Better call the calling off, off
Oh, let's call the whole thing off

I say tamper and you say temper
I say tribunal and you say tribulation
Tamper, temper, tribunal, tribulation
Let’s call the whole thing off

I say racial and you say Ray shall
I say throw and you say thorough
Racial, Ray shall, throw, thorough
Let’s call the whole thing off


But oh, if we call the whole thing off then we must part
And oh, if we ever part then that might break my heart

So, if you are thorough I still say throw
I'll say racial and you know Ray shells
For I know we need each other so we
Better call the calling off, off
Oh, let's call the whole thing off

Let's Do The Gesture

(On Hair's assertions about Inzamam's gesture)

C'mon Inzi now
Let's do the gesture.
First take a bow
Then do the gesture.

The gesture that no one has seen,
Just like the tampering you mean?

Yes it exists. It is real. You take your arm thus
Wave your palm away at that mug, no fuss.

You mean we give each other the gesture
When we say goodbye?
What has this cruel world come to, giving the gesture
To each other on the sly.

No no put that other hand on the hip
Take this one and let it violently rip
Like a Warne delivery.
This is the devilry.

But I am not a spinner.
And a whole lot thinner.

Arch your back
Look at the quack
With your hand near his face
Do it as if you held a mace.

Is that something like I hold my bat
No I will not badger that wombat.

Through one armpit pass the other hand
Splay it and cover his face with a fistful of sand,
While you hold one finger to your knee.
That's how 'tis done, now do you see?

PS: For Hair's explanation of the gesture see
http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/ci-icc/content/current/story/313549.html

In This Day and Age

The case of Kyla Ebbert and Southwest (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20641687/) was supposedly to do with appropriateness of dress while going on board a commercial airline. There was nothing in the dress that anyone has not seen before on a U.S. airport. While we are moving towards a point where there will soon be security machines on airports that will see under a passenger's clothing it is hard to fathom that her dress was found inappropriate. Southwest should have thanked her instead; she could not have been carrying any WMDs under that ensemble thus putting everyone at ease that she was not a hijacker.

A Tale of Two Ul-Haqs and Other Stories

This South Africa-Pakistan series will be an interesting one. Apart from the cricket itself there are multiple player stories to watch for. First and foremost of interest would be the Inzamam and Misbah question. Inzamam has opted out of the first test, and it is not clear he would have been selected were he available. Misbah is at the striker's end. The erstwhile journeyman fresh returned from a largely successful campaign needs to show he can finally take on the longer form of the game. He also needs to show that he can finish things off when the pressure mounts; something that he failed to do twice in the recently concluded Twenty20 World Cup. Watching from the non-striker's end with a keen eye will be the legend of Inzamam. Misbah needs to keep the eye on the ball and not on Inzamam. In age the two men are not that far apart. The lack of emerging new batsmen has brought Misbah this final chance. There is not much room left for future chances. He will either end up the second coming of Mansoor Akhtar or a worthy replacement of Inzamam.
There are other stories. Finally, will Akhtar be put to rest? Will Iftikhar Anjum confirm himself as the mediocre bowler that he has shown himself to be so far? Does Sami still have chances left? Will Sohail Tanveer or someone else make their debut? Will Taufeeq, probably technically the best Pakistani opener, finally stake his claim. With Afridi and Razzaq out who takes on the mantle of the allrounder? How will Yousuf perform with all the termoil of the ICL situation? How will Malik's captaincy work out in tests?
On the South African side Kallis will return a little disgruntled with something to prove. Will it concentrate him more or eviscerate him? How will Pollock respond to his new role? How will Pollock's replacement work out?

How Very Wrong of You Mr. Kesavan

Mukul Kesavan's Cricinfo blog was a demonstration in how to conduct a lynching. He nudges us into believing that Shoaib Malik's comments after the final were some how sinister. He mentions what Kaneria might think without actually consulting Kaneria. We are led to believe there is a WMD of insult somewhere in his comments which on actual inspection is as hard to find as those actual WMDs that people have been looking for years. If one is to take his very path should he not be accused of doing the same thing by bringing up Kaneria as he accuses Malik of?

To quote my own reply to him, "Never has so much fiction been created out of an inocuous little phrase. Considering how cricket riles up the emotions in the subcontinent and topping that with the fact that his in-laws are there it is highly unlikely that Shoaib would maliciously make such a comment - unless he holds his mother-in-law in the same regard as Botham did his."

I have still to hear what is this ulterior motive that Shoaib is building up to. This is playing politics under the guise of rebuking religiosity.

They Came Close

Good Match. The problem for Pakistan remained with the batting. The first three or four wickets were the usual but this time the middle did not hold. Usually it had been Misbah and Malik to rescue. Misbah certainly showed he can play Twenty20 but one thing that will be questioned about him is the nerves. Twice (both against India) he took Pakistan to the brink and just when things were a possible one shot away with plenty of deliveries left he gave it away. Of course his choices were somewhat limited because he probably did not want to give the strike away. It was a baseball situation where a batter must carefully take account of the few pitches he will see and choose the right one. The ICL may be getting in touch with him if they are going to be around. The delay does not look good.

Pakistan even until the final remained uncertain of their line up. Should Afridi come at the top or Akmal or Butt. Interestingly, and tellingly, the two most consistent performers with the bat for Pakistan knew their positions. In the end probably Yousuf was missed though certainly not clearly evident. It would have been nice had the board (selectors) sat down with Yousuf and Malik and tried to see how best to fit him in. May be they did but somehow I doubt it.

Afridi's duck, Nazir's run out, in the end the mistakes just piled on enough for India to squeak through. They have appeared the most intense team. Joginder must be a relieved man; that over was not proceeding well. Pakistan's batting woes were somewhat apparent considering that the Pathans, and Joginder bowled at under five an over cumulatively; A pattern that Pakistan has repeated yet again against middling bowling. They could not produce that one fifty plus partnership that they needed. India's bowling was their huge success. In an understated way their batting was too: They kept the wickets.

India deserved their win twice holding off the Pakistani challenge. A team that had otherwise remained undefeated.

They Will Say

The victor, they will say, has a spine,
The vanquished a raw juicy chine
To be served up with some brine
For pundits, fans, rscers to dine.

When they asked him of numbers two and three,
"Only number one matters.That's just the way it is."
Shrugged Federer as they lapped it up with glee.
Spare a thought for bowed heads in a dressing room.

Will Misbah* catch fire or be doused?
Will Yuvraj* lose or build an empire?
One a journeyman roused,
One a name afire.
Victor
And trier.

*Misbah roughly means torch
*Yuvraj is a prince or heir apparent.

Measuring Doubt: Examples and Thought Experiments

In cricket an umpire is supposed to give the benefit of doubt to the batsmen. There is a very close analogy to that, as some would say, in real life. Consider the decision a judge or jury has to make at a trial. In criminal trials the term used is beyond a reasonable doubt and in civil cases it is more a case of preponderance of doubt (balance of probabilities). The consequences are more somber but what are these except different standards of benefits of doubt. Reasonably, in criminal cases we look for guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. The idea here is to let a criminal go rather than convict an innocent man. However, This lowers the overall accuracy of results. People have done crude experiments
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burden_of_proof

to determine what is beyond a reasonable doubt (70 to 75% surety). Better experiments can be done. But the more safe we play in one direction the more errors we make in the other. Accuracy over many cases and “beyond reasonable” doubt are two opposing forces.

In cricket the umpire is supposed to give the benefit of doubt to the batsmen. Yet he is valued for his accuracy. To get the best accuracy he should go with the balance of probabilities. If he thinks that the probability of being out is better than 50% he should give it out. However, this lowers the amount of the “benefit of doubt” he is willing to give the batsmen.

Consider the following thought experiment.
You have one of those old, big camera bodies with a shutter. There is a fair coin inside. We shake the box then go click. The shutter opens and closes. While the shutter is open we try to see whether the coin is head or tails. We record the result.

As long as the shutter is really slow we have very high confidence that we know whether the coin is head or tails. If we keep on increasing the shutter speed it will get harder for us to know with a high degree of confidence whether we saw a head or tail until the shutter is so fast that we can’t really judge and a random guess is the best we can do.

Now we are going to repeat the experiment let us say a 100 times. Each time the shutter speed is the same and very, very slow. We will get all the head and tails correctly. Our accuracy would be 100%. We would have no doubt about any of our calls.

Now we repeat the above experiment but make the shutter speed faster so that on any given shutter closing we are only 70% sure that we know whether it is a head or a tail. If we go with the best of our ability we will get it right close to 70 times.

If the shutter is very fast we might as well guess and get it right about 50 times.

In each case what was our level of doubt. In the first case we have no doubt at all, in the last case our doubt is total.

Now consider that we are told that if you are doubtful you should choose head. In both cases two and three we have some doubt and will choose head getting only. In both cases we will get it right about 50% of the time. In case two this has resulted in a loss of accuracy. Our accuracy in predicting has gone down by twenty percent because we are doubt intolerant.

Now consider the same experiment but each time the shutter speed is variable. So some are easy calls (that was surely a head etc.). about some you have a little bit of doubt and about some there is major doubt. If anytime you have even a little doubt you call a head. The result will be skewed towards heads. Your accuracy will suffer. If you want to maximize your accuracy you would have to let in an appropriate amount of doubt.


This is no different from a medical test where the test has some accuracy (not 100%) resulting in false positives and false negatives. You can usually change the threshold to make the test more biased towards false positives or false negatives but your accuracy also suffers.

So if the incentive is to be as accurate as possible then let in some doubt.
If you have not figured it out by now. Heads and tails corresponds to being out or not out. The fast shutter speed to a difficult decision the low shutter speed to an easy decision.

This is also no different from medical tests where we have false positives and false negatives (The test being the umpire). Usually the test can be made to tilt more towards false positives or false negatives if you are willing to give up some accuracy.

Measuring Doubt

The batsmen is supposed to get the benefit of the doubt. But what does that mean? Does the umpire (in his mind) has to be a 100% sure? Is it preponderance of doubt? Is it better than 50% doubt?

I am sure umpires give out, in real situations, when they might still have some doubt. If they were going for really 100% doubt free decisions then we would see a vast majority of "difficult" outs not being given. I don't think that is the case.
It would be interesting to do a study over the last five years (Since data is relatively clean and available and applies to current umpires) to see when matched with technology (where technology had a better resolution) how many outs were not given and how many not outs were given. Then use the formula

Percent Threshold Level of Doubt Acceptable to Umpire = [(outs not given)/(outs not given + not outs given out)] * 100

This can be done for each umpire and for the whole umpiring community as a whole.

If an umpire never gives a "not out" as out but has outs not given then his threshold level of acceptable doubt is 100%. He is damn sure that it is out before he gives it.

If an umpire gives a "not out" as out and outs not given about the same number of time then his threshold level of acceptable doubt is 50%. He can go either way on a difficult case.

If an umpire has "not outs" as outs but has not given outs that should have been then he is trigger (finger?) happy with no threshold.

For most umpires the number should fall somewhere between 50 and 100 percent for them to give benefit of doubt more to the batsmen.

For a perfect umpire both quantities are zero and the threshold is undefined (0/0) but then he does not need it.

Older Bowlers, Younger Batsmen

It would be interesting to see the statistics after the ICC Twenty20 World Cup. Compared to one day cricket I think the succesful bowlers will be bolwers with a lot of experience and it will be younger batsmen, who have power, will prevail. On both counts Australia the pre-tournament favorite are on the wrong side. Their batsmen are old and their bowlers shiny and new. They may yet come through because of the lack of opposition since quite a few teams are self destructing and just the volatile nature of this version of the game. South Africa probably made the right move in resting Kallis. It was just the way that they went about it that was wrong.

It would be interesting to see some stats from the English Twenty20 season to see whether older bowlers and younger batsmen do prevail more when compared to one day cricket.

On Rankings

Rankings are a thing of the past. Yet they are often misunderstood as representing something instantaneous in the present moment.

Let's take two examples. First consider the current ATP tennis rankings which show Federer as number one and Nadal as number two. Some supporters of Nadal claimed that he would have been number one had he won Wimbledon and the rankings would be wrong to say otherwise. What they fail to account for is that rankings only tell us of the past under some criteria. In tennis that is the last 52 weeks. What the rankings say is who "was" number one over the last 52 weeks. And indeed Federer's overall record is better over the last 52 weeks. If on the other hand one looks at the ATP race (which looks at results from the beginning of a year) Nadal is ahead. Simply meaning that he has collected more points since the beginning of the year than Federer. ATP race was maligned as giving ridiculous results early in the year. However, it gives perfectly decent results. It tells you indeed who is ahead on the number of tournaments played (not who will be ahead once the year is done).

As our second example let's look at test cricket (team) rankings. They take a longer period than a year into account. These days there is not much controversy over who is number one since Australia (not unlike Federer over the last few years) has maintained a large lead over the rest of the feild. When Australia and England met for the Ashes (with England ranked as number two) there was some talk about England being number one if they defeated the Australians. Again looking at the rankings for what they are (performance over some past period) this was nonsense. After all Federer loses to lesser players from time to time yet his ranking still remains because over a period of time he has demonstrated better results.

Maybe that is how rankings should be mentioned: Federer was number one for the last year (instead of he is number one) and Australia was number one since August three years ago.

Of course there is also the other problem where there is a problem with how the rankings are calculated. Let's say a very strong team meets a very weak team in cricket. Two tests out of three end in draws due to rain affected days. The higher ranked team still loses points (due to no fault of their own) and the weaker team gains points (due to no merit on their part).

کسک

تڑپتا تھا ایک دل
ڈھونڈتا تھا منزل
بھٹک رہا تھا ہر دھڑک
بڑھ رہی تھی ہر کسک

پیچ دار ہر سوچ
خم دار پر لوچ
اے ذھن خاموش
سوتا رہ مے نوش

دل پر انتشار
دماغ ہے خلفشار
خواہشوں کے انبار
کاہشیں بے شمار

تڑپتا ہے ایک دل
ڈھونڈتا ہے منزل
بھٹک رہا ہے ہر دھڑک
بڑھ رہی ہے ہر کسک

March of the Hair

Hair (as he marches out to umpire):
Dithering, rolling here I come
Beware thee cheating, tampering scum
To all things human I am numb
Rumpa pum pum Rumpa pum pum.

Chorus of Hairassers (in the audience):
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!

Hair:
If I so decide
Or perchance not so
You must abide
For it is my whim.

Chorus of Hairassers:
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!

Hair:
No Hawk's Eye
Nor twenty-six untiring optical seers
Can catch the lie
That I can fathom, I can show.

Chorus of Hairassers:
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!
Hair 'em! Scare 'em!

Hair:
Now I take my place of judgment
Ultimate arbiter of the law
Come penitent come low
'Ere my ire you draw.

Notes:
Hairasser: A rabid supporter of Hair.

A Possible Case for Clonning?

Here is a case where cloning may be helpful (http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/05/31/rhino.death.ap/index.html). If the remaining animals are now too old to breed or won't breed. I don't know where rhino cloning technology stands? Technically is it going to be very different from some of the animals cloned? Can another female from a different rhino species be used to clone these rhino's if the females of this rhino species have no eggs?

Inzamam’s Lament

On a morning fair
As I stood backward of square
Hair served up some unusual fare
Bereft of reason our souls laid bare.

Quoth the Hair, “Change the leather.
‘Tis five runs I declare.”
I strode up, the orb to see.
Dismissed he, “Cannot spare.”

Upon my insistence he produced the sphere.
“Lo”, a smudge he called it a tear,
“’Tis a Tamper!
Now go! Scamper!”

Bewildered I wandered the green
A dolphin trapped in a seine.
Until the break brought some respite
Unbeknownst to us a calm before more spite.

I calmed my young charges
In the sanctuary of our haven
Until Hair breached it
Dithering like a mad raven.

As we appealed to a higher authority,
Hair removed the bails on the field of play
On the pitch they abandoned us
The most unkindest cut, The most blackest day.

To all our entreaties to resume
Hair had one reply and no more
All that was left was the deafening
Unreasoning bray, “Nevermore.”

خواہش

جلا دے جلا دے
اے آگ سینہ بسر
مجھ کو تڑپا دے
اٹھا دے
اے سوچ بلند
خلقت کو
خرد کا طوق دے
خوشی نہیں
ولولہ شوق دے
گر جاؤں
تو اٹھنے کا ذوق دے

Of Fair and Unfair Advantage

With all the talk about fair and unfair advantages sooner or later a case like this is going to come to cricket
http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20070515/news_1n15runner.html
Would cricket consider a bowler with a similar "disability" legal. What if the "disability" is in the arm or hand of a bowler or batsman?
If I remember correctly there was a batsman in Australia (not yet at first class level) in the eighties with either one arm missing below elbow or both? But he was not using any enhancements. Also interesting: Laser surgery used by baseball sluggers to have better than normal vision. Any batsmen following in their footsteps?

Looking for WMDs

Finding Woolmer murder details (WMDs) has been as hard as finding those other WMDs in Iraq. The reason may turn out to be the same: There aren't any. I suspect the police went for too-much-of-a-coincidence theory: Sensational loss to a minnow leading to exit from the World Cup coupled with a dead coach with a broken bone in his neck. It reminded me of the ridiculous Meadow's Law: One child's death in the same family is a tragedy, two is suspicious and three is murder.

The police can release the actual reports (if not detrimental to the investigation) and at least bring down the level of speculation.

Now What?

The insurgents seem to have implemented two strategies to counter the surge. The first was the capture of the soldiers. Now there are four thousand soldiers involved in the search and obviously removed from whatever they were supposed to be doing. The second is the expansion of the theatre into Kurd areas thus concentrating on areas where the military was not focused bringing havoc to a relatively peaceful area.

What We All Knew

Finally a general on the ground asks for more troops (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/05/11/iraq.main/index.html). If an honest assesment is made the numbers needed are much larger than Petraeus' surge numbers even to start making a dent. I don't think those numbers will be provided though.

A Confederacy of Dunces: Part II

Who knew? That a Supreme Court Chief Justice and bar associations (yep lawyers) would turn out to be the gravest threat yet to Musharraf's power. Combine that with Aziz talking about inflicting emergency and the government backing down at every volley of the Lal Masjid crowd and the picture looks pretty grim. It would be interesting to see how Musharraf gets out of this one. It will have to be something to make Machiavelli proud. Or something really stupid by the Chief Justice.

Let's see if Musharraf can stay on track to beat Zia's record of eleven year rule. I wonder if there are any bookmakers out there offering the odds.

Thought Provoking Questions

After Gilchrist's squash ball in the glove act.

1. Can you have a cricket ball in your glove?
2. Can you have any balls under the box?
3. If the cricket ball hits the squash ball does the fielding side get five runs?
4. Where should one's marbles be kept while batting?
5. Shouldn't no ball refer to having none inside the glove?

Tossing Out the Toss

Here are a couple of suggestions for reducing the effect of the toss.
1. Team one completes its 25 overs then team two bats for 25 overs. At the end of it team losing the toss decides whether team 2 finishes its fifty overs and then team 1 follows with its final 25 or team 1 bats again and then team two for their remaining 25.
Better if match is reduced to 40 overs (so the decision would be after 20 overs). In case of rain interruptions the first twenty five overs of each side are completed.
2. Make it two innings of twenty overs each. Team winning toss decides who bats first in the first innings. Team losing the toss decides who bats first in the second innings. In case of interruptions only first innings is played.

Inane End to an Inane Tournament

Sri Lanka dug themselves a bit of a whole in the field but fought back well early on. Australia did what it had to do. The lull (from Hair, Aktar, Woolmer cases) was too much to bear so courtesy of ICC we were provided with something new to talk about. How D/L is used in major tournaments and no results due to rain will get a thorough going over apart from what the tournament structure should be.
Sri Lanka held well until the 16th over (compared to where Australia was). Australia had scored massively in the 17th-22nd overs. Those were the overs where Sri Lanka needed to keep abreast so as not to fall far behind or to be in striking distance if D/L came into play.

After the Storm

If we are to persist with Duckworth/Lewis here are some suggestions that I think make it more "fair".
1. The reduction in overs should be in units of five overs. So the number of overs can be divided over five bowlers equally. The reduction should be in units of ten if power plays are to scale down properly. It also will likely give you some built in extra time if there are other stoppages.
2. Adjustments should be done only at the beginning of an inning. I will explain by giving some examples.
a) The match starts late and reduced to 40 overs each. Then the first team plays its 40 overs complete no matter if there are other breaks due to rain. If any adjustments have to be made they are made at the end of the first innings. The second team may now only play 30 overs. Once the innings has started 30 overs must be finished. If they cannot the match moves to next day. This has the advantage that both sides know at the beginning of each inning how many overs they have and in case of the second inning what score to get in how many overs. Both sides can pace the innings without having to try to keep up over to over and looking at the sky. They will know exactly how long there power plays will be and at least 5 bowlers have to be used equally.
b) If a match starts and then there is a stoppage the first team plays its full 50 overs. The adjustment is made at the start of second inning which may now be reduced to 30 overs.
Doing this has the added feature that team batting second will never have to score more than team batting first in a lesser number of overs. This is something that many people still have a problem with.

A Confederacy of Dunces

The government capitulates again (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/04/26/pakistan.burqa.reut/index.html). This is getting out of hand and dangerous.

Ponting on Countering Sri Lanka

Ponting has said that in retaliation for Sri Lanka resting its three bowlers and not letting his batsmen practice he will rest himself, Hayden, and McGrath in the final so that Sri Lanka does not get a look at them for future series. When reminded that it was McGrath's last game he said, "Even better, they will never get a look at him".

Ian has asked ICC to force Australia to play Ponting, Hayden and McGrath.

Sheilds Solves Case!

"God did it or is somehow involved", declared Sheilds in a press conference. Stay tuned for more.

How to Make Remaining Games Interesting When They are Not

1. Sri Lanka Loses to Ireland to make some money but by a low enough margin to remain in third place.
2. West Indies reverse their batting order against Bangladesh. And use their batsmen as bowlers. Ian asks for an investigation by the ICC.
3. Australia wants to face Sri Lanka in the semifinals so they do their damndest to lose. Australia batting first will lose all its wickets for zero by being out hitwickets. Then they will bowl a wide first ball and lose.
4. West Indies and England get in a brawl keeping us busy until CAS decision or Hair's London Tribunal decision come in.

Why 15 Degrees

The article below is the most extensive that I have seen on throwing. It explains why 15 degrees was chosen as an acceptable amount of straightening the bowling arm.
http://coachesinfo.com/category/cricket/351/

WWNZD

What would New Zealand do? Would they go the way of Sri Lanka against Australia, not engaging the enemy in a real battle, or will they go all out. The answer may lie in the result of the South Africa-England game. If South Africa wins New Zealand may be content to lose to Australia and face Sri Lanka in the semifinal. If England wins they might consider pulling out all stops against Australia in a bid to try and face England in the semifinals. It says something about the Australian juggernaut that some teams are not willing to take them on until it is unavoidable (Even if it is smart strategy).

Fall into the Gap

Australia's final two games are against the two teams (Sri Lanka, New Zealand) that have the best record in this world cup apart from the Australians. If Australia can blow these two teams away by huge margins the cup may be all over psychologically. However, if they stumble against either one then the team that beats them will most likely go into the semis as the top ranked team in the Super Eights and that would make things very interesting.

Hope Goes South

If South Africa holds its nerve the World Cup will end up with the four southern most countries, among the big eight, moving to the semifinals. Two questions now remain,
1. Can Australia be toppled? If so who can do it?
2. Will there be a first time World Champion?

Highly Sophisticated Military Training Methods

Who! who wrote this training manual?
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/04/14/germany.race.ap/index.html

Captain Crunch

More fallout from the world cup continued. So after they have no batsmen (ODIs) and no bowlers (ODIs) Pakistan now have no captain wannabes (see http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/pakistan/content/current/story/290277.html). I suppose Yousuf is probably ok. But no one knows. Malik might be in the long run but who is thinking about Salman Butt?

Yousuf is probably the most senior guy left. He was the vice captain for a while and even captained on occasion but then Younis was fast tracked. Were there internal reasons? He is interested in being a captain or at least was when he made the comment that he will be captain if god wants him to be captain. I don't know if he has captained in domestic cricket and if so how has it turned out. Most other guys are either too inexperienced or have other problems like retaining their spots. Their is no one who has been hailed as a really good candidate for future captain. Maybe they just have not had the chance to show their abilities in this regard. With no new batsmen on the horizon and bowlers with their problems and no clear captain Pakistan looks set to be in limbo for the next few years.

By the way what is that move that Younis is doing in the picture? Is he dancing or avoiding people?

They Will Now Do Videos

Following Lee's example of teaming up with Asha, this generation of cricketers are teaming up with singers for some video remakes.
1. "Who Let the Dogs Out", Gibbs
2. "Hey Teacher, Leave Us Kids Alone", Tendulkar, Ganguly, Sewag (Pink Floyd)
3. "Everything is Broken", Inzamam, Vaughn, Lara (Bob Dylan)
4. "Hit me Baby One More Time", Bunge
5. "Eye of the Tiger", BD Team
6. "What a Wicked Game to Play" , Pakistan Team for the Irish
7. "I ain't Missing You", Version I:Hair on the CWC, Version II: ICC on India's early exit
8. "Comfortably Numb", Dravid

CWC

Coaches World Cup? What has been going on with the coaches has been of more interest at this tournament than the cricket itself. First there was Woolmer's murder and all the speculation that went with it and I suppose this will be still there few weeks from now when the world cup is done and dusted. Next there was all the debris from the Chappell fallout which also will have some more repercussions over the coming few weeks. Now the next storm rising seems to be, "What Will Whatmore Do?" Already there are uneasy movements starting in Bangladesh trying to retain him. Moody has also commented on other jobs and probably in the next few days Fletcher will be the coach no more. Maybe they should give the trophy to the last coach standing. They have provided the larger part of the entertainment anyway.

Captains' Logs

1. "Army of Vaughn: Winless" by Vaughn
2. "St. Patrick's Day Massacre" by Inzamam
3. "Lara Hara" by Lara in Urdu (Lara Lost)
4. "Bangle Bungle" by Dravid

Fletcher's Autobiography

After the World Cup experience here are the names he is considering for his book.
1. Duncan Donuts or How Many Important Games We Won
2. Confessions: I Took Woolmer's Missing Manuscript
3. Sartorial Selections
4. Charismaless Campaign
5. Freddie, Take Me With You on the Pedalo
6. Losing Ugly
7. We Shall Fight Them ... Not
8. I Met My Gallipoli
9. Our Finest Hour: That's the Best We Could Do
10. Shameful Fight, Shameful Flight

Chappell's Autobiography

Here are the ten names Chappell is considering for his autobiography on the Indian experience
10. Vicious 2007
9. Gang and Gully Warfare: How I Lost the Battle for the Hearts and Minds
8. Chappell Desecrated
7. O Brother Where Art Thou?
6. Wright was Right
5. PowerPoint to Powerless Point
4. Power, Pawar, Powar: I am Confused
3. Quit India Movement: Why I had to Leave
2. Habits of Unsuccessful Coaches
1. Confessions: I Took Woolmer's Manuscript on Coaching but it was too Late

England's End

With todays defeat to Sri Lanka, England must now consider their world cup realistically over (Their overall odds falling to 33/1). It also practically puts Sri Lanka in the semifinals. Had they lost today, two such close losses may have proved emotionally crippling. West Indies also, though mathematically still alive, are also done. Some of the rest of the games will decide the matchups in the semifinals, the rest are now so much junk.

The Last Good Day

The last good day of cricket in this world cup was more than two weeks ago when Pakistan lost to Ireland and India fell to Bangladesh. There have been may be three games of some interest since then. Much more of note has been off the field. First Woolmer's death, Inzamam's retirement; the drama whether Pakistan will stay on and play its final game; the revelation that Woolmer was murdered and the rampant speculation and finger pointing in its aftermath; Now the fallout from India's fall seems to be taking center stage nearing its crescendo with a Tendulkar-Chappell dual on the horizon. Before this is done and the second salvo of the Woolmer case is over (Pakistani investigator leaving for Jamaica) one can only hope that the Super Eights are over and some interesting cricket can start.

Interesting Games

On March 25th I wrote about the likely upsets in the Super Eights. After seven games into the Super Eights it looks likely that apart from one or two other games these may turn out to be the only exciting games. So here is my list of most likely upsets.

For the purposes of upsets I will consider
TIER I: Australia, South Africa
TIER II: Sri Lanka, New Zealand
TIER III: West Indies, England
TIER IV: Bangladesh, Ireland

Most likely upsets
For TIER I teams.
1. South Africa-Sri Lanka
2. Australia-New Zealand
For TIER II teams unlikely. However Sri Lanka-New Zealand game might be crucial for who will face Australia and who will face South Africa in semis. If they had their wish I think Sri Lanka wants to face South Africa and New Zealand wants to face Australia.
TIER III teams
1. England-Bangladesh
If Bangladesh can finish sixth or better they should consider their campaign a very good success.
For England and West Indies reaching the semis would be a huge success.
For Australia, South Africa, Sri Lanka, New Zealand anything less than a semi spot would be a disappointment.

Super Yawn

The Super Eights at the Cricket World Cup have been a big yawn. Of the seven games so far only one has been somewhat interesting (South Africa- Sri Lanka). The margins in the rest are indicative of the problem. The smallest victory by wickets was by seven wickets, by runs 48 (the other two were by above a hundred runs). The first round had some interesting games with all the upsets. Nothing interesting would have been lost had the tournament proceeded to the semifinals directly.

May Be Cricket Reporters Are Not Used to It

The reporters would have done well to gather facts and report them then going on a speculation spree. However, it takes a large amount of effort. There remain many questions about the information that is available to the police and why it was so hard for them to determine whether it was a murder or not.
Up until now these are the facts that I could gather from the reports. I Would like to hear from others any updates.
1. Last seen outside his room 8:30 pm
2. He sent his last email to his wife at 3:00 am (assuming he was the one who sent it).
3. Body discovered by maid at 10:00 am So the widest time window appears to be 7 hours. Coroner believes time of death nearer to 10:00. If the murder is planned would it not make more sense to do it earlier in the night giving the murderer more time before the body is discovered?
4. Some reports have said he was alive when taken to the hospital. Some suggest he was not. Which is it? Question 1: How accurately can they determine the time of death in this case?
Question 2: If he was alive when found why did the murderer leave before he was done?
Question3: Can anyone have access to the floor he was on or was some card or key required to get to that floor?
Question 4: Was their a camera in the corridor that shows anyone in the corridor of that floor during the 7 hours in question? If so who shows up on it.
5. No struggle
6. No sign of break in.
7. Danish in the adjacent room hears nothing. Suggests either he knew his assailant or it was someone who was able to get access to his room or both.
Question5: If his room had card entry were any copies made at the hotel front desk.
Question 6: Had he given a key to anyone earlier to access his room?
Question 7: Why did it take police so long to say it was Manual Strangulation? Should it not leave very obvious marks on the neck?
8. It is believed his body was moved from the bathroom.
Question 8: Why is that believed?
Question 9: How is the mess in the bathroom explained? Does it have something to do with the murder? What exactly was the location of blood, vomit and feces? To whom did each belong?
Question 10: would the murderer have something under his nails (skin or anything else from Woolmer's body). Anyone checked?
9. DNA evidence is going to be collected from the players.
Question 10: Is there some other DNA found in his room? Did the players go to his room on previous occasions?
There is more but I would like to hear answers to some of these questions from the media.

Super Eights Are Now Super Sixes

Well at least until tomorrow when England face Kenya. The only thing worse that could have happened (from ICC's perspective) at this world cup was if the home team did not make it to the Super Eights. West Indies cricket was banking on West Indies, India, Australia heavily since India has a large expat community there. So they would not be happy either. Ireland's defeat of Pakistan apart (but even there their batting problems were apparent) I think they will get badly trounced by the remaining big eight in the Super Eights who by now have gotten used to conditions and have gone past the initial jitters and know that the format now favors them heavily. Super Eights is starting to look like a huge exercise in futility.

It is Getting Complicated

Within twenty four hours things got really complicated at the world cup. First came two huge upsets on the same day. Then Flintoff was sacked as vice captain of England and banned for one game (even though it served the purpose of a warning to Flintoff it was probably best to rest him anyway before more competitive games) for his drunken behavior. Next came the shocking news that Bob Woolmer was found unconscious in his room and later died at the hospital. And before the day was up Inzamam had retired from ODIs.
Ofcourse everything else pales in comparison to Woolmer's death. Speculation is already rife on the cause of death without waiting for the coroner's report.

The Upsets

The World Cup is off to a furious and unpredictable start. Five days into it Pakistan were eliminated by Ireland causing perhaps the biggest ever upset in World Cup play. Earlier I had predicted the three likeliest teams to produce an upset (http://groups.google.com/group/rec.sport.cricket/browse_frm/thread/e68e7230d3894d05/9f33a72e4cba197f?lnk=gst&q=arahim+likely&rnum=1&hl=en#9f33a72e4cba197f). With India's defeat at the hands of Bangladesh two of them happened at the same day. At least one of Ireland and Zimbabwe will make it to the Super Eights. Bangladesh have positioned themselves well to do so. Kenya also is in with a chance considering England's woeful play and the fact that even New Zealand has been a little up and down. In the end as many as three minnows may show up in the Super Eights. That may prove a headache for the ICC in terms of revenues and attendance at the games. Also the broadcasters are going to lose money and can not be too happy. This can leave more than half the games in the Super Eights not very competitive and the Super Eights rather redundant with the semifinalists known to a large extent at the start of the Super Eights rather than at the end of it (largely their order to be determined).
The world cup hailed as the most open may be reduced to a competition between four teams before the Super Eights begin. More like a Super Fours. Isn't that what they call the semifinals?

Pace Yourself Peter

Still reeling from the firing of the army's Surgeon General the military could have done without Pace's comments about the gays(http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/03/13/gays.military/index.html, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Pace). With all the other things going on was this something that the top general should have been concentrating on so hard? It also illustrated his powers of reasoning and the illustration was disappointing. For the moment forget his personal views, the analogy he gave was astounding. He compared homosexual acts to adultery. What does one have to do with the other even if you think them both immoral. From someone who is at least partly responsible for analysing all the information that is coming in from war zones one expects clear headed thinking not this muddled soup.

Hair Was in the Commentary Box

Hair was in the commentary box at the Pakistan-South Africa warm-up as an expert on umpiring. Commentating on the condition of the pitch he said it was surely unplayable and even though no evidence was at hand he knew that the Pakistanis had tampered with it. He said he would have forfeited them out of the tournament even though it had not started yet.

Military Advice

I sometimes wonder whether the military ever advised Bush against some of the things the administration has used it for. Did they, or anyone among their ranks, ever say Gitmo might be a bad idea?

The intelligence, including military intelligence, has been panned for the WMD intelligence. It failed to forecast post war Iraq and it has failed to deliver effective information for fighting the insurgents.

Throughout the war (apart from the initial part where the U.S. force was so overwhelming that no thinking was really required) the military strategists have failed to provide, or at least implement, anything resembling a plan that will work. Part of the problem is that it is not a military problem. Part of it is in tying its hands but the question is why the serving command level officers have not conveyed this forcefully enough to the civilian leadership. Instead we now have the twenty thousand man surge. I cannot accept that any military mind would consider this a viable strategy.

Training Iraqis sounded like a good idea but for many reasons it has not quite worked. Part of the reason is factions within Iraq. However, the time is drawing neigh when the training itself will be questioned. For the given situation and time frame is the training appropriate?

Then there was the military police and the Abu Ghraib Prison. The less said the better.

Now the military medical facilities are under mold attack. The first Major General to be fired throughout this whole fiasco, unbelievably, headed a hospital.

Now with the military tribunals military justice is about to come under the lights. No matter how it goes it will not be good for military law. It was not designed to handle the cases it has been asked to handle. Trying a fifteen year old (now twenty but held at Gitmo for five years) at a military tribunal is not going to look good even if (highly unlikely) in the end he is let go(http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/03/08/gitmo.phone.call.ap/index.html).

The First Match Again

Going into the first match Pakistan must be much more confidant than a few days ago. They now know with certainty what the team is and they have done well in their practice games. West Indies, on the other hand, had an uneasy win over Kenya and an annihilation at the hands of the Indians in their practice games: Not the best preparation.
The big three (Younis, Yousuf, and Inzamam) had a decent time out on the pitch; The bowlers for the most part had a useful workout. Naved's current bowling form and Nazir remain a concern.
If the wickets are anything like those for the practice matches Pakistan must also be second guessing their decision not to include Abdurehman. Also Azhar recently and Arafat have not been regular members of the team and as such there is concern over finding the right balance quickly enough.
What will be the playing eleven? Afridi still has a couple of games to go before he can play and with the pitches looking somewhat spin friendly Danish, Shoaib and Hafeez will be playing. The big three, Akmal and Gul are automatics. Naved's current form makes Sami a certainty. One spot will go to Razzaq's replacement, Azhar or Yasir. I think Azhar will start. The last spot is really up for grabs. If Pakistan want eight batsmen then Nazir plays but he has not done much. Naved might squeak by for his death bowling. I think they will go with Nazir.

Previewing the First Match

The first match of the World Cup between Pakistan and West Indies is significant for many reasons other than being the opening match. Along with England these two form the triumvirate of the weak. If one of these can beat the other two and then record a win here and there, a no result due to rain, they might sneak through to the semifinals. The team that will lose this opening encounter may find very few other openings. Of course this all assumes that they will both make it out of their group.
England if it loses to NZ will still have some chances and if it wins it will enhance them. But the winner and loser of the West Indies-Pakistan tie have a lot to gain and lose.
The nature of the wicket (as long as it stays true for the duration) will not be a factor. Fast or slow, bouncy or low, help or hinder both teams similarly by the nature of their constituents.
The WI will be at home which could be a good thing or a bad thing. How they respond will be a window into the rest of their campaign.
For Pakistan there will be no such window because of their unpredictability. The cornered tigers thing is getting a bit old though. This team is very different in its mood and character than the one for which that label was created. They like to play from a position of strength and once they fall behind the heart is lacking.
Who will win? Too close to call. That does not necessarily mean that the scoreline will be close just that their unpridictability is.

Appropriate Punishments For Symmonds, Hayden and Speed

After their uncalled for breaches of conduct in commenting on the doping case the following punishments will be carried out.
1. Symonds has been ordered to shave his dreadlocks and give them to Shoaib so he can use them while partying in the Caribbean.
2. Hayden will have to spend the duration of the world cup giving batting lessons to Asif after which it is hoped he will be good enough to open.
3. Punishment for Speed will be a public whipping administered by Hair.

Things to do at the World Cup When You are Out of it

Now that Shoaib is not playing in the world cup because of ... injuries here are some things he can spend time on.

5. Join Hair in the commentary box.
4. Bring the party scene at every world cup venue to the viewers via a TV show called, "What I Did During the World Cup".
3. Go scuba diving.
2. Hire a writer to ghost write his autobiography.
1. Sing "Don't Worry be Happy" while doing drugs of another variety.

Darrell Hair's Autobiography

Here are the top ten titles that Hair is considering for his autobiography

10. A Bad Hair Decade
9. Hair Case From Hell: Or How I Destroyed the Staircase to Heaven
8. Botched Hair Job
7. Hairball
6. My Way: Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow
5. Fair-Haired Boy of the ICC
4. Hair Play: More Important than Fair Play
3. Hair to Fore: Cricket Takes a Backseat
2. Haira Phairi
1. Hair the Horrible

10 Things for Hair to do

Now that he does not seem interested in having a first class umpiring career with the ECB Hair will write a book and to promote it and himself here is a list of things.
10. File case against the ICC for racial discrimination.
9. Go on Strictly Come Dancing.
8. Go on Big Brother with all the international players retiring after the world cup.
7. With his sharp eye should be a cinch for a tennis ref. He gets in a fight with Roger at the next Australian Open final which he will chair. He then tells Federer that he has lost by forfeit. Wait that's for the next book.
6. Anything but go back to his old job where according to him he made twice the money.
5. Take over the Trim Spa spokesperson spot opened up due to Anna Nicole Smith's untimely demise.
4. Become the first "umpire expert" in the commentary box. Commenting on the umpiring decisions as an "expert".
3. Take Doctrove down with him.
2. Play Dick Cheney in an upcoming Oliver Stone movie.
1. Become the next crocodile hunter.

Withdrawing Logic Willingly

Yesterday Blair announced U.K. troops reduction in Iraq. Today the Italian government fell over the issue of U.S. bases in Italy (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/02/21/italy.vote.reut/index.html) and general foreign policy issues. The Table given at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multinational_force_in_Iraq lists the number of troops from each of the participants in the coalition of the willing (initially there were 49 countries then one withdrew leaving 48 including Afghanistan. 40 committed troops. The lowest number was two with some others at sub hundred level. 16 have completely withdrawn). What is interesting is that U.K. has 21000 private military contractors (three times their actual number of forces). Denmark has also announced that it will withdraw (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/02/21/denmark.iraq/).
In light of all this Cheney's comments (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/02/21/iraq/main2497651.shtml) on British withdrawal are rather funny. On one hand he wants to get the job done in Iraq and is in agreement that more troops should be sent there and on the other he is claiming that things are well in southern Iraq and therefore the British can withdraw. Is it not more reasonable to send them where more troops are needed rather than completely withdrawing?

Blair's Last Act

Looks like Blair is going to make it a little easier for his successor by announcing a British withdrawal from Iraq (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/02/20/uk.iraq.troops/index.html). If as he has said he leaves office this summer this may be his last major act as prime minister. Being a lame duck and all the political pressures off his back with Bush being criticized by Congress and members of his own party Blair finally does what was needed.

The Parisian Society

No I am not talking about the city of Paris and its citizens. I am talking about the age of Paris that we live in. Here are some vignettes.

"Were you a frat boy who partied and drank a lot? Had an influential father? Had bad grades? George how would you like to be the president?", asked Rove.

"You played a reporter in a cartoon movie...you don't want to go to the Middle East to report because it's too dangerous...you did pastry puff pieces on morning shows...Katie you will be the perfect fit for our lead anchor role.", said the president of the CBS to Couric.

Then there is Anna Nicole plastered over every news network supposedly a modern day tragedy. A woman who wanted half of a billionaire's estate because she was married to him for less than two years, who claimed she owned a home where a millionaire had let her reside, who wanted to be adopted by a prince so she could be a princess, and who most likely took her daughter away from her real father is being hailed as the nicest soul.

Britney are you feeling neglected and want to be the life of the tabloids again? Party with Paris and take a few pointers. Forget the soul and bear some more.

Lindsay how dare you cross Paris with only seven million to your name?

Paris of Troy that embodiment of physical vanity pales in comparison. In Rome you may do as the Romans but when in Paris wear a condom.

Rove Strategy Against Obama Leaked

Memo: Starting the 2008 Campaign.

We need to control the Obama situation before it gets out of hand. At this stage of the election cycle we need to ensure two things.

1. He needs to be criticized but not directly by the republicans (so they don't appear petty). Start with our foreign allies. Give Howard a call and see if he will do it for us.

2. Associate his name with something negative in the American mind. Here are some slogans:

I. Stop Obama Stop Osama
II. Obama: Only a BS exchange away from Osama

Carl [sic] Rove
White House Office of Strategic Lies

Cloning Experiments

The first clone experiment: Howard (born 1939)was cloned and the world was blessed with Chenney (born 1941). The clone it seems has been eating a little bit more than the original. People have been puzzled by Howard's comments on Obama. The original was just coming in to fight for his clone.

Of course the second clone experiment was when they cloned Bush and got Ponting.

The Acceptable Umpire

There was a time, not so long ago, when the home board used to appoint the umpires. The visiting sides sometimes complained bitterly about the bias of the home umpire. That led to Imran Khan pushing for neutral umpires. It worked well most of the time until now. With the Hair saga and the forfeited match and Hair's ridiculous contention of racism against him the time has come for the next step: An umpire does not have to be neutral in the sense that he belongs to neither of the participating countries. He has to be neutral in the sense that both boards believe in his impartiality. So instead of the ICC appointing umpires for a series the participating countries should choose mutually acceptable umpires. The ICC should develop and keep a large pool of umpires from which the participating countries can then choose mutually acceptable umpires.
Let Australia and England pick Hair (not possible under current rules on neutral umpires since he is an Australian) for their ties against each other. Many there believe he is the best umpire around. That will take him out of the hair of other countries where he is considered biased and by some fans as racist (again in my opinion this is a stretch). That should make all the countries happy and Hair can resume his umpiring career at the international level.

The Idiot's Guide to Lying

Glenn Beck commenting on the state of the union address (just before it) started out by saying something to the effect that you know these things are basically useless. The speech excerpts are already released might as well just email everyone the copy and be done with it. He went on to talk about what the President should say and not what he is going to say. The President should be straight with the people and tell them the actual reason he had gone to war with Iraq (all very fine up to this point). And then the stunner: The U.S. went to war with Iraq to surround Iran on both sides encouraging the local population to overthrow the ayatollahs.
I am speechless.

Reforming The Olympics

The Olympics need to be reformed. There are many things wrong with it. Take a look at the number of events now in the Olympics(http://www.olympic.org/uk/sports/index_uk.asp). Here are some suggestions to get things moving in the right direction (of course they will happen only if first the way the Olympics is run is reformed).
1) All the sports that have a substantial number of their own premiere tournaments do not need to be included here. Tennis is a prime example. Tennis has four grand slam tournaments every year and the ATP and WTA tours and the year ending championships. It also has the Davis cup, another dinosaur that needs to be laid to rest.
2) All sports where one country is so far superior to the rest that the competition is a joke need to be dropped (Actually these days if ICC implemented this policy Australia would be left playing by itself). Examples are baseball, basketball where the U.S. does not even bother to send its top players and softball where U.S. domination is a given.
3) Take out hybrids like pentathlon, triathlon, decathlon.
4) Swimming events need to be cut down by a lot. There does not need to be a medal for each kind of stroke that exists on the earth. Leading to absurdities like one guy winning seven medals for using seven different pedals.
5) Take out all sorts of relay events.

The Olympics need to slim down a lot and these are just the first few suggestions.

Keep Cricket Safe from the Olympics

The Olympics has become a Disney version of itself. Apart from the annoying pseudo-induced warmth it is a clumsy behemoth now almost devoid of anything real. Apart from all the sugar it is pompous and self important and more money hungry than any other event. The sad part is that ICC has been trying to emulate its money ways. There has been a push now for a while to include cricket in Olympics. Cricket can do better. It should steer as far away from the Olympics as possible.
My guess would be that the powers that be probably would like a Twenty20 format for the Olympics.

Mother's Comments are Puzzling

Here is another one for the implementers of airline security to chew on (http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/08/16/uk.terror.boy/index.html): A twelve year old gets on an international flight without any documents. However, more worrying were the mother's comments. She said, "My worry is that if you have terrorists in these airports they could be looking round for someone who is vulnerable, and get them to take things on the planes for them." Really? Is that what she needs to be focusing on?

Then Came Tigers

Bob Woolmer gets into the Asian obsession with tigershttp://content-usa.cricinfo.com/rsavpak/content/story/277453.html
I don't know where this obsession comes from but here is something I wrote on it a while back:
In the twilight of the sultans Tipu slayed a tiger with his sword. His emblem also had a tiger. Even though this event was fatal for this particular tiger, with the advent of the British killing off the sultans this is when tigers in the subcontinent started to rise to eminence, with mixed results.First there was General "Tiger" Niazi who lost Bangladesh. Did I say that right: I meant founded Bangladesh. Then there was Mansoor Ali Khan "Tiger" Pataudi who was also a pseudo sultan (Nawab, which in connotation is now no different from khalifa and shahzada which basically means someone useless). He married Sharmila Tiger... er I mean Tagore. Then came Tiger Khan and his crouching tigers ( and they had a lot of hidden dragons) to take the world cup who by the way was also a Niazi. Something about Khans and Niazis and Tigers and cricket. And now the Bangladesh cricket team is Bangla Tigers whose capitulations are not unlike those of the original Bangla Tiger, General Niazi.Cheetahs got a bad rap as in, "tu to cheeta hay (derisive as in my my aren't you the great one)".

Those Terrorists Are Getting Younger By the Day

How do you handle a three year old throwing a tantrum on an airplane? Apparently by taking her off the plane(http://www.telegram.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070121/COLUMN01/701210459/0/FRONTPAGE, http://www.concordmonitor.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070124/REPOSITORY/701240335/1013/48HOURS). One can only imagine what the crew would have done had the tantrum started mid-flight? Make a u-turn and return to the airport? Call the marshal and handcuff her until the plane landed? Also amazingly idiotic was the fact that once deplaned she could not be on another flight (by the same airline) for the next 24 hours because them are the rules. Some of the comments were also peculiar. Mike Gallagher, a radio talk show host, blamed the parents to the effect that they had spared the rod and spoiled the child.

Genuine Pace: Remenant of a Bygone Era?

In this the second golden age of batting, or "standardized pitches" for the skeptics, genuine pace may be an anachronism. The McGrath model of sustained accuracy seems to be the new paradigm. Fast bowlers tire easily and find it hard to sustain long spells just because of the effort involved. Shoaib and Bond have been the poster boys for sustained injuries. Lee, Harmison, Flintoff have an average of above thirty. Good but not great. Even the mishits carry to the boundary and the more they strive for pace the more loose balls they produce.
The two new sensations (Clark and Asif) are both of the McGrath variety. They can bowl for long periods and accurately. As the batsmen have become extremely aggressive scoring at ever higher rates the fast bowlers are countering by giving up pace for accuracy and control.
The good fast bowlers still outnumber the good control bowlers but is the tide about to turn? It used to be said that on dead wickets one needs truly fast bowlers. McGrath disproved it and Asif showed that McGrath was not the exception. Clark can enhance the stature of the control bowler further.
Are there new fast bowlers waiting to happen or will they await another golden era of fast bowling?

Recipe Before a Tour

Here is the formula Pakistan use to prepare for their series.
1. One of the assistant coaches is fired, hired, or resigns.
2. Shoaib is left out of the initial squad.
3. Shoaib is added to the squad.
4. Yousuf misses a game because of his family committments.
5. Nasim Ashraf reverses himself on some issue.

Strange Logic

Pakistan has now added Shoaib to the team citing Gul's injury. The initial reason given for Shoaib's omission was that he was not match fit otherwise he would have made the team without a doubt. If that was true then why replace an injured player with an injured player? Why not send Shabbir or if there are problems there someone new?

Parents of a child with the mental capacity of a three month old have opted to surgically stunt her physical growth to keep her manageable(http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/01/04/ashley.treatment.ap/index.html). I only wish that Paris, Brittany and Lindsey's parents had acted so conscientiously when they were growing up.

Don't Shoot the Messenger

Al-Maliki's comments about punishing the guy who took the unauthorized video were rather curious (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/01/09/maliki.hussein/index.html). He believed that taking the video was illegal but remained astonishingly quiet about all the shouting and dancing that went along.
Also Blair commented that, "the crimes that Saddam committed doesn't excuse the manner of his execution, and the manner of the execution doesn't excuse the crimes. Now I think that is a perfectly sensible position that most people would reasonably accept." Now that Saddam has not been excused how about not excusing the misbehaviors of those at the execution and punishing them (and I don't mean the guy with the phone).
The militias on which Al-Maliki's government rests have committed crimes against humanity but he has not put any of their leaders on trial. Infact when the U.S. Army at one point tried to go after the Mehdi Army they were dissuaded from doing so.

Is Seinfeld Writing for Bush?

Now we have the term surge. It reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where his uncle is lifting a book from a bookshelf and Seinfeld alerts the security guy to teach his uncle a lesson. The security guy on his walkie talkie to other security guys, "Swarm! Swarm!"

The Argument Comes Full Circle

In the days before "You are with us or against us" there used to be an argument for the oppressed peoples that went something like: Well what could you expect from people who live through such horrors all their lives with no end in sight. They had to fight somehow. If you really want a good solution you have to come up with a "fair" and "just" and comprehensive solution. Yes all this violence is wrong but address the cause of why people are behaving the way they are and this will go away.
In fact the US used to support at least partially this sort of argument: At least in Chechnya and Afghanistan and even in Kashmir to the extent of remaining by today's standards fairly neutral.
Now the reason or excuse for this murderous (terrorist?) rampage (http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/05/26/marines.haditha/index.html) is given as pressure. If people who are the occupiers and not the occupied and who know that at most they are in it for a few years can behave this way under "pressure" then what can be expected of the perennially oppressed?

Now Where Else Can George Reuse This Quote?

"Haven't quite got the skills yet."
George Bush's honest assessment of his first time trying to play cricket in Pakistan

If They Could Somersault Like this In the Field

Mushtaq gets reappointed by the guy - PCB chairman Nasim Ashraf to be precise - who fired him three months ago; Waqar resigns just before the series is about to start; Shoaib has been left out apparently on fitness grounds; The sword of the arbitration hangs over Asif and Shoaib; Their opponents have willed themselves into winning against India and are fully ready and prepared. Pakistan is just going through their usual preparations for a series.